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Chapter 1 |
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For many, many years I have searched for the secret to being just like Jesus. Finally, after praying for knowledge, it seemed like God suddenly spoke to my heart. He reminded me of many things I have read and learned over the years. I have read my Bible for many years searching for answers but could not find the secret to the plan of salvation. I read book after book by this one and that one. It was like I was blind. The more I read, the more confused I got. However, God has helped me to realize that the answer has always been right before my eyes pleading to be seen. The truth is, it is very, very easy to be a Christian. As a matter of fact, it is so easy a small child could do it. And it is easy to prove my point. Let us take a test shall we?
In the first column, list some of the sins you have struggled with. In
the second column, list sins that have never been a problem.
My point is we do not worship idols because it is wrong and we choose not to do it. Yet, we do not have to struggle greatly inside to keep ourselves from going out right now and bowing down to a piece of wood. God has put the hatred for idols in our hearts! Does that make us robots? Of course not! We still have the freedom to worship idols yet we agree with God that we do not want to worship idols, and that is why we do not commit the sin of idolatry. Now let us look at the other list, the list of sins we do commit. Let us say, for example, we wrote "I commit adultery in my heart." Do we have to struggle greatly inside ourselves to keep ourselves from committing adultery? The answer is no as you will find out later in the book. God can also put in our hearts the desire not to commit adultery. Will that make us robots? Of course not. We still have the ability to choose to go out after that and commit adultery just like we still have the choice to go out and buy an idol. Yet, we feel there is a great difference between the sins we have no desire to commit, and the sins we do have a desire to commit. So what is the difference? Desire! So what makes us desire one sin and not another? Why do we not all desire to worship little wooden idols? We have always known that idolatry is wrong. We have also always known that adultery is wrong. We look at idol worship as a very gross sin. But how do we look at the sins we commit? Sure, we know they are wrong. Yet we still desire to do them. We see them differently. Myself, had struggled and struggled with my sins for quite some time. I would give them up and then go back to them while calling on God to help me and yet no help came. Why not? I became so angry and frustrated, I almost left God on several occasions forever. Talking about discouraged, I told God I could not do what I was suppose to, that I was hopeless and I prayed for Him to kill me because I knew it was only a matter of time before I would die in my sins anyway. I felt utterly useless! How could I witness to others when I could not even get the victory over my own sins? What was I accomplishing by living? I was just as sinful today as I was a month ago. It all began as a child. I continually watched my parents fighting because of my father's affairs. I lost all respect for them and began to rebel. I did not want my life to end up like my parents. I started running around with men twice my age, looking for love, for the Cinderella story. I went from this man to that man but I could not trust any of them. I saw my father in every one of them. I was finally taken away from my parents and placed into a foster home. While in the foster home I fell in love. My foster parents refused to let me date so I returned home to my parents so I could date the man I loved. The results: a baby, abuse, and a broken heart. After our divorce I swore to myself, "Never again!" I've had five more husbands since then. I can really relate to the woman at the well. I ended up full of hate, totally out of control, in bars drinking and without any hope from a human standpoint. I decided if I was going to be lost in the end I might as well kill myself now and get it over with. My life was horrible and I was miserable. Between 1985 and 1991, I attempted suicide seven times. I had been taught the Baptist religion of hell fire and brimstone, burning forever and ever and ever and then some more. After I discovered the truth about hell I concluded it could not be any worse than my life now. Death seemed to me most precious. A way out. Satan had me just where he wanted me. He could not kill me. God would not let him. Therefore, he got me to try to kill myself. But, God would not let me go. I even checked into a motel under a different name, paid three days in advance and was still caught. I have been in some of the best psychiatric hospitals in two states, including Duke. Useless! Only God could help me now. But I was angry because it seemed that God would not let me die nor would He help me, or so I thought. I decided if I had to live it would be stupid to stop trying now. If a ship is sinking you do not jump off the ship into the ocean with the sharks. You hang on for dear life. If I quit there was no more hope. Besides, where was I going to go? Back into the world? I kept trying. I told myself maybe, just maybe, there was a chance, a very small chance, but still a chance. I still had serious doubts about if there was a God. I quoted promises like I will take away your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. It did me no good whatsoever! I cried out to God, "What am I doing wrong? Are you deaf? Why do you not answer my prayers? Do you not care? Is it me? Am I totally hopeless? Why do you not love me?" That also did me no good. Yet I could not give up! Something or should I say Someone was pushing me forward. I could not quit trying. Even when I decided I wanted to quit trying, and die, I still deep down inside was continually searching for something that would make a difference. I read. I prayed. Nothing helped. But the Holy Spirit would not stop calling me. He would not let me forget God. No matter what sins I was committing, the Holy Spirit was still there calling me. But, now things are so different. I have come to realize prayer does make a difference. But, did I not just say I prayed and nothing happened? I had always prayed in emergencies (when I was in trouble and could not do it alone), or I prayed when I really, really wanted something. Sometimes I prayed in "faith," and sometimes I had no faith at all. My problem was I did not know God. I am writing this book with only one purpose in mind. I have always promised God, if He ever showed me plainly the way that is true, and that works, I would tell everyone that would listen. I would help everyone I could. That day has finally arrived. Let me help you. Don't worry about whether you will be saved or lost. God knows the end from the beginning. He knows if you will be saved or lost. I do not want to know. Even if I knew I was going to be lost, I would continue on the course God has set before me, because I have learned the truth about the goodness of God, and have decided to make the number one goal in my life to glorify God's character to a lost and dying world. My second goal is to learn to know and love Him for myself. Lastly, at the bottom of the list, is my desire to make it into heaven. Personally, I do not want to go to heaven if I am going to mess it up. Adam did not know the final results of sin. I have seen, and experienced first hand, the painful, heartbreaking results of sin. I would not wish a life like that on anyone. If anything bad can happen to a person, it has happened to me. For me to desire to go to heaven just to mess it up, to rebel, and to start sin all over again is insanity. However, I can hope for eternal life. God has placed that hope in my heart, where there was no hope. If God had stopped for even a moment to chase me, I would be dead now. However, now, I do have hope. Praise God! If God can save the thief on the cross, who was selfish, as we know from the fact that he was a thief, who cared about himself and not about the things of God, then He can save me. In The Desire of Ages, pg. 751 Ellen White says, "The words of pardon spoken to the penitent thief kindled a light that will shine to the earth's remotest bounds." I have learned to trust the keeping of my soul to a God of love like that. He did not tell the thief, "Too late. You waited too long. You never wanted anything to do with me. Now, on your deathbed you ask for forgiven and expect me to have mercy on you." All the things He could have said to that dying thief were true, but He did not say it. He saved instead. He is love. He is all-powerful, with every person everywhere at the same time, and knows all things, but most of all, He is all Love. He never fails to save if we will allow Him to do His work in our heart. He never loses any one who comes to Him. He is able to keep me against that day. I will keep my promise to God. I want to scream from the rooftops the things that I have learned. This book is but a taste of the goodness of God, the how's and why's of the gospel, but most of all it is wonderful, powerful news. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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